Sunday, August 17, 2008

David Pogue: Eat Your Heart Out

So I've been known to write lyrics now and then, particularly for the fine people of PEERS. The following were written in 1997 and 2003, respectively. The first was for an Arthurian themed event called "La Belle Daunce Sans Merci" and the second for for a Greek mythology event that was never produced. The choice of appropriate music is left as an exercise to the reader.


A Song about some Orkney Lads


(spoken)
Gee Mordred, what do you want to do tonight?
The same thing we do every night, Robin:
Try to take over the throne!

(sung)
They're Robin and Mordred
Yes, Robin and Mordred
One is a Bastard
The other's brain-dead
They're of the Orkney Clan, and
Morgana's evil plan
They're comin',
They're Robin and Mordred, Dred, Dred, Dred
Dred, Dred, Dred, Dred, DRED.

Before our tale is done
Their treach'ry will be shown
By the dawning of the sun
They'll take over the throne

They're Robin and Mordred
Yes, Robin and Mordred
All the blood they've shed
Is upon Morgana's head
To prove their mother's bile
They'll desecrate the Grail
They're comin',
They're Robin and Mordred, Dred, Dred, Dred
Dred, Dred, Dred, Dred, NARF.


(NB That's "Sir" Robin to you.)



I Am The Strongest Man


Oh better far to live and die
Under the sword and shield I ply,
Than play a Hera-crossed stepson's part
With a crazy head and a strongman's heart.
Away to the Hellenic world go me,
Where Heroes fight with gymnastic glee
But I'll be true to the Delphic Plan
And live and die the Strongest Man.
    For I am the Strongest Man!
And it is, it is the Delphic Plan
To be the Strongest Man!
    For I am the Strongest Man!

        You are!
Hurrah for the Strongest Man!

And it is, it is the Delphic Plan
To be the Strongest Man!

        It is!
Hurrah for the Strongest Man!
Hurrah for the Strongest Man!

When I sally forth to seek my preys
My royal master blocks my ways.
I kill a few more beasts, it's true,
Then King Eurystheus tells me to;
And suddenly he is o'er keen
To have his stables very clean,
And manages to get me to
More dirty work than e're I do,
    For I am the Strongest Man!
And it is, it is the Delphic Plan
To be the Strongest Man!
    For I am the Strongest Man!

        You are!
Hurrah for the Strongest Man!

And it is, it is the Delphic Plan
To be the Strongest Man!

        It is!
Hurrah for the Strongest Man!
Hurrah for the Strongest Man!

When lion, snakes, and birds I kill,
It is a sign of my martial skill.
Stag, boar, bull, mares, and cattle too
Apples, Cerberus, a Girdle?
    Whew!
Twelve years of labors have I done
Can I go home to raise my son?
And back in Thebes they say "You're Great!
"But Herc, there's a Centaur at the gate.
    "For you, the Strongest Man!"
And it is, it is the Delphic Plan
To die the Strongest Man!
    For I am the Strongest Man!

        You are!
Hurrah for the Strongest Man!

And it is, it is the Delphic Plan
To die the Strongest Man!

        It is!
Hurrah for the Strongest Man!
Hurrah for the Strongest Man!




Hum at your own risk.